It Doesn't Always Get Worse (Does It?)

1 Step Back. 2 Steps Forward.

As a runner, you have probably heard the saying "Relentless Forward Progress" which happens to be a well known book title by Bryan Powell. This book title is cited many times over in the podcasts and writings of ultrarunners these days. It conjures up the idea that as long as you are moving forward everything will turn out in your favor in the end. Well I'm here to say sometimes that is bullshit. At times you will step backwards and sometimes progress is not always in the direction you want. I am not trying to be pessimist but more portray the idea of reality.

I have a total of 45 ultramarathons now: a couple great, some good, and yes a few that I would call bad ones. Most runners, if you ask them, won't dive deep into the bad runs or the bad races they have had, but i am here to help show that these backward steps are not only inevitable but can keep you grounded in reality. I have never been coached and so all of the knowledge of my running career has been self taught. In this journey of learning how to run and train for long distances I have made a lot of mistakes.

My inspiration for this post is the fact my last 2 races have been less than ideal. But first let me go back and explain some of the other experiences I've had that made me reflect on this idea of how progress doesn't always feel like moving forward.

During my first ever trail race experience at River Valley Revenge (RVR).
The expression sums it up. | 2016- 06-18

As I mentioned when i first started running i was self-taught and did not have any high school running, college running or any other run experience to rely on. I simply started running and happened to fall into running trails very soon after. In fact, my first trail race (River Valley Revenge 25 km) I learned that trail running distance is always an "ish" and never exact when we ended up with 28.07 km. Those last 3 km were a huge surprise as this was my longest run ever to date already. Secondly this run actually taught me how hard trail running could be (as well as fun!).

My first few ultras I did not understand hydration nor nutrition. This led to a multitude of issues and tough times. I think back now and realize how stupid i was. I would often cramp up and thought it was just part of doing ultramarathons. Being a true introvert I didn't really engage with my fellow trail runners to find out that i was basically just not providing myself the proper care during races (i.e. calories and hydration). It took time for me to learn that I was simply doing it wrong, thanks to experience, listening to various podcasts, and finally discussing issues with other ultra runners. 3.5 years into running, and 3 years into ultra running, I now fully understand what a bonk is all about.

River Valley Revenge 100 mi | 2018-Jun-16

My first true bonk lesson, also resulted in my first and only DNF to date. You can read the detailed blog post on that here, but essentially I got severely behind in caloric intake and simply could not catch up. The nature of this course was minimal aid stations throughout the loop and so by the time I got to where my crew (wife) could meet me I had to take a long break just to even comprehend how bad of shape i was in. The result of this was bad leg cramping for miles and my mind being completely foggy and feeling like i just wanted to lie down and sleep (which may have been a great option in retrospect!). At this point in my ultra running i thought that since this was a 100 mi run that this was just how hard it was supposed to be. I was oblivious to the fact i was simply just not taking care of myself to the extent i should be. Eventually the thoughts of quitting got into my mind and after half way i pulled the plug.

Colorado Crossing 50 mi | 2019-Sep-14

After moving to Texas I had learned a lot about slowing down in the heat and just taking whatever pace came to me on that day. But last month at Colorado Crossing I was not expecting the summer heatwave in Texas to be lingering for so long.  That is not my excuse though I was ready for the heat and knew it was going to be hot and somewhat exposed on this course, as i had run it in 2018 as well. I went into this run hoping for a good chance at an fast-ish 50 mi run pace for me (for reference i finished CC50 in 2018 in 09:13:01).  So how hard was 2019 version in that Texas 100f heat...? Turns out, Damn hard for me!!

The expressions say it all. I also thought this quote was perfect for how my run went.
Photos:  JJustis Photography / Trail Racing Over Texas

I had gone out on loops 1&2 in good pace and was feeling well and ready for a good race with a group of 4 of us at the lead. Then..pow...during loop 3 everything came to a halt and the heat and conditions smacked me in the face. I was unable to run without muscles starting to cramp and spasm and I was having harder time getting calories in than usual. This reduced me to a hike walk pace that I had to maintain for the last 25 mi of this 46 mi effort. I had to puke and rally 2 separate times. Ultramarathons are hard, even if you run a lot of them. In the end my mind beat my body and I was able to grind out a finish, but it was anything but easy.

Getting checked out and cooled down after literally snail pace to the end, but I finished.
Photos:  JJustis Photography / Trail Racing Over Texas

Mission Tejas 50 km | 2019-Sep-28

Last weekend was going to be my 3rd time running this 50 km out at Mission Tejas State Park. I was looking forward to it as a fast effort and a little redemption from my prior CC50, as mentioned above.  I love this course as it is beautiful trails within the tall pines north of Houston. I had the aim of running sub-5 hr (as I had done the prior 2 years), and with hopes of even dipping closer to that 4 hr 30 min mark. Texas humidity would be the culprit today as it was ~80 f at the start line in the dark at 06:00 am, and we all knew it would only just get warmer as the day progressed. The day was very humid and made it nearly impossible to shed body heat. I slowed down and took my time, packed my buff with ice each loop placing it around my neck - it definitely helped. The nature of this course is 2 short 5 km loops that return to the same main aid station, which is then repeated 5 times to accumulate the 50 km distance. With all the other various distances also sharing the course and staggered start times, once we were out on loop 2 and 3 I really had no idea what place i was in nor did i really care as the humidity was slowing my pace drastically. I knew i would not have a great time, but i was hoping for a decent effort as my body felt great i just couldn't move in that sauna like humidity out there. I could tell everyone else was feeling the exact same effects. Realizing my goals were out of reach mid race i used my experience to put this aside and just try to make the most of my day based on the conditions (this is were i am taking a step backward). I proceeded to continue on and finished the race in a slow time...relative to my prior 2 runs here. In fact, my time of 05:45:29 was over 1 hour slower than last year, but i somehow still managed to sneak onto the podium as 3rd overall. The day was hard for everyone, I could not lose sight of that fact (the winning time from this year was also nearly 1 hour slower than 2018).

Feeling as good as I look, but luckily a few bottles of fluid and i was fine in no time. My daughters don't seem phased.
Photo: Katie Meding

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It has taken me time in ultrarunning to understand that the process of improvement is not always race to race, but sometimes year to year (or perhaps longer). The fact that my 2 previous races have not gone to plan, so to speak, does not deter me from moving forward. I get that a misstep here does not even matter in the grand scheme. I feel fit and am looking forward to my upcoming 100 miler in Arkansas. I'm just having to learn that a bad race is progress forward in it's own way, teaching me how to be better when i meet those similar obstacles next time.